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I wanted to adore this tea, because I really like what I’ve had of A Quarter to Tea so far, but alas. I think I might be getting maple, but that fall pumpkin spice feeling isn’t setting in. It’s mostly just cinnamon. Lots of cinnamon.

I feel like this is chai that would be served in a dungeon. Like, something to comfort an old-school Protestant who refuses to convert to Catholicism (or vice versa!).

I can imagine a guard whispering, “Here you go, you profoundly stubborn darling. I hope you enjoy this final cuppa. You’re getting beheaded tomorrow.”

The old-timey bedraggled prisoner would snarl his grubby hands around the mug. He’d whisper “thanks” in an ill-used voice.

Then he would smile a mostly-toothless they-didn’t-brush-back-then smile. It would be his final smile before the executioner’s axe.

People in other houses always have what I feel to be weird tea selections, and then seem confused by them.

I asked my aunt what non-caffeinated tea she had, and she dug out this and some lemon zinger, shrugging at me. “I guess this is it,” she said.

It’s… your… house? Don’t you have your tea cupboard of three teas memorized?

It’s possible she just keeps it on hand for guests. This is how I am about coffee (I keep some Folgers and a cheap-ass coffee pot on hand), so I get it. Maybe she’s not a tea person.

Anyway, this was a really nice tea. It tasted a lot like Sleepytime Tea. Chamomile was the leader of the party, with some nice flowers, too.

It might have helped me fall asleep, except the house had no air conditioning and my dog was allowed to share a bed with me. He kept huffing around, wiggling, and shuffling. Oh, and he hogged the bottom of the bed. Somehow. He’s 30 pounds. Between his relentless, shifty bed-hoggery and sweat oozing from my skin, I got maybe four hours of sleep.

BUT SO CUTE:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BFaEW3DnD6j/

I’m willing to forgive.

This is a tasty herbal tea that tastes a lot like Forever Nuts by David’s Tea. Same basic ingredients. It’s super-creamy and sweet, just right for a midafternoon break. Because it’s herbal, I think you could give this to a kid and allow them to enjoy it without flying off the handle. (Have you seen a kid on caffeine? It’s hilarious. I say this as a childless person who always hands the kids back.)

It’s a bit weak, flavor-wise, so I recommend over-leafing and over-steeping. I think the issue is that the nuts, due to their shape, don’t pack as tightly as the little tea leaves do in side a tea spoon. I could be wrong, but it sounds scientifically valid, doesn’t it?

This tea describes itself as “perfectly steampunk.” If the retrofuture — with its cogs and wheels and steam and girls in goggles and top hats — tastes like this, I’m in.

This tea is exactly what its ingredients taste like, and it was fun to watch the little pieces of orange float to the top. A lovely brew.

Please excuse me. I have to go ride my giant mechanized spider. Will Smith and I are having a tiff.

Oh my god, this tastes like somebody took wet roses and let mold growth occur on them in a basement in an old person’s house. It smells like cherries, but it tastes like sickly sweet decay.

I keep sipping it, thinking I have to be wrong.
(sip) I can’t possibly dislike it this much.
(sip) Oh no, someone mixed vanilla into poison.
(sip) Am I dying?

Excuse me. I need to throw this horror show out so I stop sipping it.